


There is Nothing Anymore.

by DestielTheSupernaturalist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Emptiness, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4340303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielTheSupernaturalist/pseuds/DestielTheSupernaturalist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was able to spend a year with him. One perfect year with Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is Nothing Anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a sad little thing I wrote. Trigger warnings for thoughts of suicide.

I was able to spend a year with him. One perfect year with Dean. I can still remember how bright his eyes were in my dull world. I can still smell his aftershave and taste his lips, even after all these years. The day he showed up was the day the overcast skies of my life cleared and a better, more brilliant future was pictured. He cut me out of my eternal gloom with his dazzling and luminous soul. Of course, whenever I told him that, he would lean over and kiss me as if his life depended on it, just so I would be quiet, because that boy did not believe he deserved it. He did.

The first time I knew I loved him was right after we came out to my parents, and they kicked me out. I sobbed into his shoulder as we lay in the back seat of his car, and he just held me and said that everything would be okay.

The second time was when he took me for a ride in his Baby and let me sit on his lap with my upper torso out the window, driving through some desert in the middle of New Mexico. He made me feel free. He makes me feel free, even decades later. Things weren’t perfect, but when we were together, things were good, until one night when the stars aligned for the worst and my world was shattered into a million pieces.

It was a semi-truck, or at least, that is what my memory serves me. I can hear the screech of tires and the honk of a horn, but after that there is nothing. I woke up surrounded by frantic voices and machines. I vaguely wondered if I was dying, but no, it wasn’t me. It was Dean.

The doctors told me he he punctured his lung when a piece of metal went flying into his chest. Why had we been so reckless? Why did it have to be him, and not me?

I tried to get better, I did. I wanted to be happy again. But I knew in my heart that with him gone that was possible no more. I just want to fade away. To accept the hand of death like it snatched my happiness away so quickly. It would be easy, I could do it. There’s a bridge not to far from here, a rope in the garage, pills in the closet, a razor in the drawer.

But then I think of Dean, and how he would want me to stay here, come to him naturally, and I stop. I cannot end the dim light that is myself because he did not have a choice. I do. But every day he’s not here, things get worse. As the years go on, I get worse. There is nothing without Dean, now.

  
There is nothing anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! My tumblr is destielthesupernaturalist.tumblr.com


End file.
